unpublished drafts.

Going through life expecting great things is like making cookies and adding a cup of baking powder (b. pow). You're just asking for a disaster to happen. I've come to the conclusion that expectations get you absolutely nowhere except for in a continuous state of limbo. And I'm not talking about the pole that you have to bend over backwards to get under...although that would work for a great analogy for life as well...
Maybe it's just me but I have such a hard time getting out of this place.

I need my knives sharpened; what’s a baker to do? Oh no, I'm not cut out for this stuff. See what I'm doing here? I'm making metaphors to describe my life. Because I can't do it alone. Because I don't know how. Because being independent has never quite worked for me.


Random fact? Mosquitoes are attracted to people who just ate bananas. I ate a banana today. Oh, and also a kiwi. Perhaps they are attracted to people who eat kiwis also. There was a mosquito down by the ocean oddly enough. The little jerk sucked my blood. Can't even say anything awesome resulted from it (such as being turned into a vampire). Well technically that is a lie. I did get a nice little itchy bump on my arm. Reminded me of the time when I was bit by a mosquito the day before picture day in sixth grade. My right eye was so swollen from the bite.


It's so easy to be mad at people and write them out of your life. But eventually, I've learned, you begin to remember why you loved having them in your life. And it's a little cruel, isn't it? Can't stand the nights when I can't sleep because I'm thinking too much. I'm a little jealous of the people who can lie down and fall asleep in five seconds.


I wish I knew what I was doing with my life and I wish I had a solid guarantee on who would be along for the ride. I think that the people in my life sometimes have too much of an impact on me. I wish I knew how to be okay on my own. I miss the one person who has gotten me through some of the hardest times in my life. Their unavailability is quite unfortunate.
People's moods affect me so much, and it irritates me. Some things just aren't meant to be. I truly feel like coming here was meant to be. And everything that has happened to me since, has just fallen into place. And what else can I say? There's nothing else I can say.