cliche.

I know that it all sounds like a huge cliche. I just feel like I need you to breathe. You are my everything and I got tossed aside. And for what? You say you need me but you just don't. You thought that you needed me. I guess I gave you the chance to prove yourself wrong. It only confirmed what I feared the most.I can't just forget about you and I can't live the way I was living. My ceiling has millions of pieces of stucko on it and I think that I have counted them all. I can't even use my debit card because I know I will have to use the code. Everything we promised each other just got thrown away. All the times when we confided in each other, the times we spent making plans for our future- none of that matters anymore. You let me go...I told you how unimportant you made me feel and said I couldn't take it anymore, and you just let me go. Instead of fighting for me...you made me feel that much more unimportant and let me walk away. I want to call you. Want to see you, talk to you, sit with you...I reached for the phone so many times today. But then I realized that you had a life without me..a life that may be better without me. A life that is filled with future plans. A plan that I was no longer a part of. A life that does not revolve around paying attention to me. So I put the phone down because even though it is so incredibly hard to be without you, it is that much harder to be an unimportant part of your life. Because I remember the days when you completely adored me. I remember the days when you would drop everything to spend five minutes with me. Any chance you got, you took it. If I needed anything, I didn't have to worry about you getting irritated or upset because you had to cancel plans, you were there for me no matter what. You were the most important person in my life. I have made mistakes that have driven you away and I wish more than anything that I could take that back. I was so caught up in fitting in and having fun, and was part of the reason why we are where we are today. Then again, so were you. I will never forget you. I care about you more than any person in the whole entire world, and my life is not the same after one day without you. I'm sure it will only get harder from here on out. It kills me to let go, but if you don't even notice or care that i'm gone, what's the point? You could have come after me. I came by your house to say goodbye today. You weren't there. I guess it's a sign that you will be okay this time. I hope that you can be happy.

these are a few of my favorite things.

When you're walking on the beach, and your weight pushes the moisture out of the sand around your foot.
The way the lines on telephone poles dip in the middle.
People spreading their good moods.
Warm blankets.
Fires in winter.
Movies on a rainy day.
Playing a really good videogame :)
Rolling down the windows and having the air conditioner on at the same time.
Random texts from good friends.
Cherry stands.
Cherry stands that mispell the word "cherry".
Family dinners at the table.
The smell of christmas.
Re-rereading letters from grandpoo.
Looking at really old pictures.
Lots of pillows on the bed.
Picking daisies.
Finding people from elementary school on facebook.
Alphabetizing recipe cards.
The smell of chocolate chip cookies in the oven.
Driving alone so I can sing loudly and terribly.
and more... <3

It's a scientific fact my friends.

Relationships are sooooo wonderful that:
Women get a certain drug released in their brains that give them a feeling of "love" and security and comfort. When women are in love, they feel a connection to the man.

MEN: Also get a nice little drug dose sent off in their brains that releases feelings of pleasure.

Well, my friends, pleasure goes away. Therefore those "feelings" go away.
What's my point?
I hate men and everything they stand for?
No, too harsh.
How about...I hate MOST men and everything they stand for.
Much better :)

Soooooo, eh-em,

Dear (MOST) Men,
Die in a fire.
With all of my love,
Alexandra Mikaella Martinez



Oh by the way, watch a comforting video courtesy of youtube.
Muah.

Time to go.

I don't like change, I've decided. I don't like it until it becomes normal again. I want someone to talk to about anything and everything but I'm afraid I've lost all of those people thanks to my good friend, change. I guess what I miss most is you.
I'm tired of having dreams about you that cause me to wake up with panic attacks. I miss having you around but there's absolutely nothing I do about it. So then I find myself actually hoping that I do dream about you just to get a little comfort on some aspect.
I don't want to move away. I never really enjoyed holidays, but I'm very sad that I wont be spending them with my family this year. I think I've maybe finally figured out what is most important in life, and it is NOT what I thought it was.
Anyway. I know change has to happen, but I'm tired of the changes being depressing ones. Maybe moving away will bring something new and, hopefully, great. I mean it's only for five months, right?
I just don't want to lose more than I already have.

PS: I hate you.

I hate romantic comedies. They make me sick with their false advertisments of love. It breaks my heart, but I secretly love them anyway. I really miss the days when nothing else mattered but the person you love. Stupid life. I hate you for getting in the way. I miss when everything was put aside just to spend a few minutes together. Everything else seems to be more important now. Normality defines us. It truly breaks my heart. It's what I've always feared the most.
Let's time travel, please?
Bring me flowers, write me notes, call me and lets talk for hours. In fact, don't hang up because we can just fall asleep on the phone. Dream about me. Tell your friends how much you like me. Write a note in lime green sharpie because I once commented that I like the color on a lime green bowl. Don't tell me about other girls you find attractive. Make me feel more important than unimportant nothings.
Hold my hand, kiss me, hug me for longer than a moment.
I miss you.

man oh man.

I am hoping that now that the Giants have won the world series, that the world will shut up about them. I guess I just don't really understand all the fluff and hype about sports teams. Sports fans will forever remain a mystery to me. Its just that; I figure, if you enjoy baseball so much - go out and play baseball. Getting so excited for a team that has no direct relation to you or your life seems a bit, well, lame.

I think it may be just me but everything just seems so superficial nowadays. Maybe it's because the world is ending in 2012, and I feel that there are more important things in life than pointless sports games and making sure your hair looks great every morning. Then again if the world is indeed ending, I would want everyone to embrace all that is superficial and just have the best time they could; to each their own.

How I wish I could have lived in earlier times though. I would love to live in the times when everyone was ignorant, and freedom wasn't so free. For some reason I would have loved to live in the times where women had to wear skirts,stay home, bear children, make dinner, and call it a day. Not that I feel that women shouldn't be able to have a career; I would have been a feminist. I would have been one of those women who wore dresses to their calves instead of their ankles.

But now we live in the times where women walk around half naked, and "close-minded" people have a fit about it. Women are able to appear naked in movies, whereas perhaps only a short 40 years ago it was not acceptable for a married couple to sleep in the same bed on a tv show. Oh how times have changed. I'm not so sure it's for the better. I'm not so sure I would really call it open-minded.
Girls dress for other girls, and I don't care what anyone else says. Because I'm pretty sure if a girl wore a shirt that was perhaps too revealing, and a guy made a comment about it or maybe even honked while driving by, this girl would most likely be outraged. Being in today's society, she would most likely update her facebook status to something such as: "oh my goodness, can't even waer a skirt these days without groos men looking at me".
And it is these types of things that truly irritate me. If men are, like some women may say, male chauvinist pigs who are only after one thing, why would you dress in a provocative manner and expect no kind of reaction?

One day, perhaps soon, my blogs will be less hostile. I will talk about daisies and hair, and I will tell you all of how I plan to get my nails done the next day. I will spill some ridiculous gossip and maybe someone will post a comment saying "OMG". And then everyone will read my blogs, and It'll be, like, awesome.
But until then...