there is a light that never goes out.

Here's the thing.

It's finally happening. I can finally say that I am not thinking about you every day anymore. My spare time isn't spent with feeling sorry for myself and holding onto something that I never had in the first place. I feel a weight off of my shoulders and the air seems so clear and crisp; so easy to take in a huge breath. I know nothing has changed for you about the way you feel towards me and even if you said it has, I wouldn't believe you. Funny thing is, I just don't care anymore. I've had this awful feeling of not wanting to trust anyone or let anyone in for the past month and it's finally going away. I'm remembering that not all people are bad. I might just even have, dare I say it...hope. Yea, hope. Hope that the next person I give myself to won't so cruely shut me down and throw me away like i'm nothing. I'm better than that, and I refuse to let you have that kind of invisible hold on me. I know who I am and that is what has been keeping me going. I know that I gave everything I had to you; and you know it too. You can deny it all you want. You can try and say hurtful things about me to other people. You can even try to convince yourslef. It's not important to me anymore. You're everything I thought you never were, and nothing like I thought you could have been. But I guess, what I can finally say is: I forgive you. It's not because you asked to be forgiven. It's not because you expressed remorse. You've given me the cold shoulder throughout this whole entire healing process of mine. And it's that reaction, and that self righteousness of yours that reminds me of what I never wanted. So, I forgive you so that I can completely let you go. I know my heart will never be the same, but I know I will be ok. And so, thank you for teaching me a thing or two about what is important in life, and how to react to terrible happenings. I became stronger, and I am a better person for it.