you've made it difficult.

So as I sit here at midnight, watching ballet on tv, I think to myself of everything that will be difficult without you. My mind is going crazy and it's unbelievably loud in my head. No more weekends together, no more making pizzas. No more texting you to tell you something random that happened. No more sharing jokes together, and no more car rides together. No more making fun of ridiculous things. No more inside jokes and no more listening to each other breathe on the phone. The hard things might be harder without your hugs and comforting words. The happy things may not be as great without my best friend to share them with. When I think of holidays, I can't think of a reason to want to celebrate. When I think of my future, there is no longer another person wanting those same things with me. I think of things like how I wont see your dog anymore, and I laugh to myself because I wonder why that would ever matter. No more fighting...and no more making up. One less stuffed animal on my bed. I wont be able to look at my pictures on my computer, and there is really no reason for the bulletin board in my room anymore. I had to unplug the digital frame. I don't want to listen to any old music that may be on my play lists. I think of you being completely out of my life and my heart completely sinks and I feel a feeling that is indescribable. I will be okay. I want you to know that only one other thing has ever put me through this much pain. But yes, I will be okay. What else can I do but survive.