First Christmas without two of the most meaningful men i've ever had in my life. I don't really know how to function clearly. Half of the time I don't know what i'm saying, and the other half i'm listening and realize that nothing that was said has been processed. And people don't understand or care.
It's one of the hardest times of my life. What would be great was if people stopped trying to change me. I'm trying to figure out who I am myself. I don't need people who love me and should accept me the way I am; telling me I'm "too quiet, too serious, too antisocial...if you keep this up, you'll eventually have no one left in life. You're nice, but too quiet." Leave me alone. I am who I am and even if you aren't comfortable with it, leave it be. No one takes the time to think that maybe all of these things hurt my feelings and make me feel even more antisocial or defective in some way. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not a good enough person.
I wish that people would let me grieve, let me be sad, let me be ME.
I wish there were still people in my life who truly accept me. I feel so alone.
Merry Christmas.
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