we go together like peas and carrots.

I try so hard to be who you want me to be. Try so hard say what I think you would like to hear. Try to make you feel sorry for me. Try to say something, anything, that will spark something in you. Make you realize what you're doing. Make you see what I see. I'm desperate for it. I want to take your hand and lead you to my world. Back into our world. Make you try again. Make me your world again.
Life's not a fucking fairytale, you say.
Well I never believed in them until I met you, and now you're telling me I can't have it anymore.
Bitter is what i've become. Hopeless is what I've accepted. Breathing is hard. Laughing is temporary. Dreaming is terrifying. Thinking is torture. Memories are a silent killer.
I am infuriated. Nothing you said was true. It's all gone. Stop sending me through this neverending cycle of heartache. Stop promising me the world. Or start again. Stop making me love you. Stop doing one nice thing. Stop doing anything for me because if it's only in that one moment of perfection then the rest of my days are sorrow. Stop picking everything over me. Stop trying to find ways to upset me.
CARE. Can I make you care?
Everything pushes you away.
Used and broken and shattered and so angry. Nothing good will come of this. I can feel all of the resentment that i've always feared, pouring out of me. I'm saying things I've never said. I'm doing things I shouldn't do. In my desperate and pathetic efforts to keep your attention in any way, I keep pushing you into anything else BUT me. Nothing has ever hurt this much. I don't want this. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to see your name. Mention of you sends me into another world. One where everything is gray.
Disney movies lie to you. They end before you can see the real end. I keep thinking of Hercules. The part where Hercules is flying on Pegasus to save Meg before it's too late after the pillar had fallen on her. But he gets there too late.
I don't know what's real anymore.
I don't know what I should or should not accept.
I want to completely shut down and shut you out of my life.
Unfortunately you have something over me that I wish wasn't there.
Because you abandoned me.
I am so bitter.
You'll realize one day.
or not.
Regardless, I wont be there.