Sometimes I pretend that I am happy for so long that I start to believe it myself. I have yet to decide if this is good or bad. Maybe it's both. Then again maybe it doesn't really even matter. People ask how others are all the time, and only process the response 3% of the time. Not to mention, when is the last time you asked an acquaintance how they were and they said anything but the typical, "fine". People wouldn't notice if someone was sad. Even if they did, they would probably brush it off as being "put off", and disregard the person. So what's the point of even pretending to be happy?
I wish I could tell you everything I feel. I wish you somehow just knew. All I can do is hope that these feelings go away and my life will once again return to what I consider as normal. My normal life...
I get so frustrated when people complain for idiotic reasons. Still, I find myself doing it all the time. My grandpa passed away the day of my last practical. I found out one hour before it started. I kept his picture in my pocket closest to my heart. I'm convinced he is very proud of me. Someone started crying today because the next practical is "unfair". It's reasons like these why I seem to send a bitter vibe towards most people.
I don't care for small talk most of the time, but won't commit myself to letting out my true feelings with anyone. Go figure. Instead I pathetically write to myself in a blog, and any unknown readers that consist of one, or perhaps two, if someone has nothing else to do.
Hot chocolate, and then sleep.
Happy birthday, Grandpa.
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